Misinformed Reviews #6: Sigur Ros – Kveezus

Kveezus Kveikur Yeezys

Sigur Ros has always been the most controversial group on the scene since their inception. These Icelandic post-rockers always seem to find themselves making headlines. Much of this is attributed to their admittedly arrogant and brash front man Jonsi (or as he likes to go by sometimes, Joonzy). Jonsi has been accused of everything from overtly sexual lyrics to paparazzi baiting. None of this is helped by the fact that he’s having a child with starlet Kim Deal Ashian. Whether he’s making controversial statements during broadcast relief efforts (“Jón Gnarr doesn’t care about Stekkjastaurs”) or stealing the spotlight from pop stars (“I am going to let you finish but Jakobínarína had one of the best music videos of all time!”), Jonsi has gone back and forth between being hated for his antics but considered a genius for his music.

jonsi and kim and kanye

The happy couple, Jonsi and Kim (aka Kimsi).

Now with the group’s latest effort, that divisive personality has taken over. Kveezus takes things to the next level. The title is either a combination of the Icelandic word for candlewick and Jesus, or even more likely a tribute to The Passion of the Christ lead actor Jim Caviezel. This deity imagery is strong within the album and strong within Jonsi’s attitude. The opening track “On Sighttenstein” kicks off with Jonsi singing in his sweet, dreamy falsetto “Joonzy season approachin, fuck whatever y’all beeennnnnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAHHHHHHH hearin’.” It’s a bold statement but not even strongest on the whole album. The band collaborates with French group Daffy Punk to take a harder edge in the instrumentation that was lacking in their past works such as and “Late Ágætision.” Later in the song he rattles off lines like “no sports bra lets keep it fljótum.”

The sure to be most talked about track on the album is “I Am A God-dledigook (Featuring Guð).” Jonsi hushly and tenderly croons over bowed guitars and mallet played drums about how he is a man of Guð and to “hurry up with my damn crossiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuueeeeeeeeeeeIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIiaaant!” Pastry cravings aside, Jonsi is expressing his duality both in the hands of Guð and an equal to Guð.

“New Slavics” may sound familiar to those who keep up with music news, as the group debuted the song by projecting a video of Jonsi’s face crying onto buildings across the world while the track played in the background. It’s intentionally uncomfortable and unwatchable. Over the barrage of looped guitars Jonsi talks about his mother living in a time when television was not broadcast on Tuesdays in Iceland.”

Things get a bit saucy with the provocative “I’m Inni.” Some choice one-liners:

“”damn yo lips very SlEEEAAAAAAOOOOoooft””

“Eating Icelandic Þorramatur all I need is hrútspungar”

“Neck, ears, hands, eating Var”

“Your Takk… let ’em out, free at last.”

You’re Bound 2 find this album a must have this summer season. If anything, to admire the spectacle.

I’d give this 1 out of 1 deities. There can only be one, and Jonsi and co have established that they are it.

Previous Misinformed Review: The Knifes – Milkshaking the Habitual

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Misinformed Reviews #5: The Knifes – Milkshaking the Habitual

The Knifes - Milkshaking the Habitual

Swedish duo The Knifes are back and more fun than ever! Grab your sunscreen because your gonna wanna be blasting this one while on the beach or cruisin in your Corvette convertible on the way to the mall.

The Knifes members are siblings (see also: The Proclaimers, Nelson, Mackymore & Paul Ryan, etc.). And like most cool European brothers and sisters, they like to party. This album comes off of the critical acclaim of Karin’s 2009 solo record “Sugar Ray.” So there was a lot of expectations with this album. The Knifes ended up creating this incredible concept record: “Milkshaking the Habitual.”

The album title is obviously an obscure reference to Kelis’ underground hit “Milkshake” – whom The Knifes have always cited as an influence. It shows on this album. The title is also a clear indicator of the style they’re going for. The songs are sugary sweet and creamy, just like a milkshake (YUM!). The tracklist is an onslaught of short and simple pop songs. Move over T. Swift, bcuz tha Knifes are here and you’re in TROUBLE.

Songs like “A Tooth for An Eye Candy” are reminiscent of Britney Spears’ “E-mail My Heart.” Hovering above all the cutesy crush canoodling is some higher thinking though. You could say that the album is tribute to decadence and commercialism. Think Kanye West but BIGGER. These swedes LOVE money and they’re not afraid to talk about it. Whether they’re name dropping name brands (like Marc Jacobs’ new “Fracking Fluid” line) or fashionable trends (like gender equality, so fetch) they are up on every that glitz. The Knifes love money and they simply cannot get enough of it. They just want more and more. The Knife portrays themselves as the capitalist dream realized and they are livin’ it up. Don’t worry about other things in life. If you’ve got money it’s alllllll goooood, they’d say.

Karin swoons with her hush baby-doll vocals on “Full of Flower.” She serenades “Sometimes I get problems that are hard to solve what’s your story?” over a chip-tune beat. Then her brother Olof comes in at the end with his super strong, powerful masculine vocals “lets talk about you and me.” “Old Dreamz Waitin’ 2 Cum True” is the obvz club banger here, though I think they could’ve added another verse or something. It goes by really fast. Can’t wait to hear “Raging Lung” at high school dances and wedding receptions this year.

In the spirit of the album, I’m going to give it $999,999 out of $1,000,000 (I only left out $1 to keep them motivated to make more – free market baby!!!). All in all, this is The Knifes most accessible work to date. It’s fun, spunky, and just a good time waiting to happen.

xOxO ~*~ThE kNiF3s 4LyFe~*~

Previous Misinformed Review: My Bloody Valentino – m p 3

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Misinformed Reviews #4: My Bloody Valentino – m p 3

my bloody valentino m p 3

After literally 220 years, we finally get what we’re entitled to: a new My Bloody Valentino record.

M P 3 is a nice album. Everyone know Kevin Yields (head priest of My Bloody Tarantino) is an audio-file, so it’s no wonder he would name his album after the audio format most universally celebrated for it’s superior sound quality. Everything was recorded and produced digitally, so none of that stupid analog stuff to mess everything up. If you’ve seen Dave Gruel’s new movie Sound City you know exactly why analog sucks yucky balls and digital is the way of the future (Trent Reznor and Psy for reference).

The album was so popular that I couldn’t get my Internet to work. It was a bummer because I couldn’t forward Obama Kenyan petitions to my friends and families.  Thanks a lot, Kelvin.

My Bloody Valiant’s last album Lovelist helped define the genre of songs about sneakers (shoemusic) and now M P 3 continues that trend and reaches to new heights. These are great songs to play at Famous Footwear and Foot Locker. Although, I could also hear them at Journey’s. But this is definitely not your mom and dad’s shoemusic. ‘Cause it’s loud and parents don’t like loud music. Parents just don’t understand :/.

Opening track “she found now” is talking about a girl finding a Now That’s What I Call Music compilation. It’s also about shoes too. The song “new shoe” is pretty cool but I could like it more than I do, ya know? The first songs are like, “I like music I used to play” and the last songs are all like “k.” But the last songs are angry at the first songs because they don’t pay enough attention to them so they act out. The first songs ask where the last songs have been all night and the last songs just say “out” and the first songs say “can you elaborate?” and the last songs say “why do you care? you don’t even know me!” and the first songs are like “k.”

The last song “wonder 2” is complicated and I like simple things so I don’t listen to it. It’s sort of like listening to a really experimental song. Sort of.  I hope his keyboard starts working so he can use his shift key. It makes me sad that he makes good music but doesn’t have a shift key.

All in all, Yields owed this to us. We have sang his praises and burned his incesteses with hopes he would be loyal and finally he gave us what he promised. He did not forsake us. We had the right to hear this album. If he didn’t deliver we would have the right to moan and mope even more. So lets listen to this today and complain tomorrow about the follow-up not coming out.

My Bloody VariousArtists could use a little bit of distortion or something (it was a little bit too clean and reserved for me) and maybe some guitars, but they are a promising music group.

I give this album 99 out 98 shoes (trying to be festive).

Previous Misinformed Review: The 2x’s Band – Cokesist

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Misinformed Reviews: Top 10 of 2012

There are a lot of albums that came out this year and I listened to every single one (literally, every album). So that means this is the only blog with authorities on which ones where the best. Read my list and buy them and then give me a portion of the proceeds.

10. Tyler, the Ocean – Chanel ORANGES

ChanelOrange

This is the first release by the singing guy member from Of Future and it’s the best album of the year, but only number 10 on my list. There’s a song where he imagine Miss Khleo as a stripper on the eleven-minute song “Pentagrams.” He also has a song about Tom Hanks and that made me smile big, it’s called “Thinkin’ Bout You.”

9. Bleach Horse – Broom

BeachHoesBroom

i did not listen to this album

8. Maggimore and Paul Ryan – The Heist

macymore

Like I said in my previous review, it’s good that rap music is actually real now. This albums makes people actually use iTunes again. Wow.

7. Deadmaufive – [this is the title of the album]

deadmaufive

This is probably Skrillex’s best album. I cannot believe it. It really proves that REAL dubstep is from America and that stupid British wannabes should not jack our style. I like the bass drops. MOMPMOMPMOMPMOMP

6. Mumford’s Son – Bubble

mumfbubble

Once upon a time Adult-Contemporary music was in a happy stable relationship with smooth jazz but then on one drunken night she slept with Folk-Rock. Adult-Contemporary conceived. When Smooth Jazz found out, he was livid and packed up all of his things and left, leaving Adult-Contemporary to fend for herself in the cruel dark world. Folk-Rock wanted nothing to do with the child even though the child had his indistinguishable eyes. Adult-Contemporary tried to get by working part-time shifts at coffee houses but always seemed behind on the bills. Her child was left by itself most of the time, being raised by daytime T.V. and the slew of unemployed suitors Adult Contemporary would bring home. As the child grew older it began to feel uncomfortable with its place in the world and inability to help provide for its mother. The child got a job, working in a mine, working working class word, immersed in the folk music tradition. It worked until its hands were raw and covered in dirt. After its first hard earned pay check, it bought this album.

5. Konnie West Presents G.O.D. MUSIC – Cruel Simmer

GODMusic

Apparently Konnie and his friends are gods, they say so on the song “new Gods, yo.” I don’t think they would lie so I guess we’re forced to accept this and God’s deserve to be atleast in the top 5. We learn to appreciate their “Mercy” for us, they could drag and drop us in the recycle bin with a “Click.” Cool music for good times.

4. JAY-Z – Decoded

jay_z_decoded_400_500

Hova, who is part of Konnie’s G.O.D. Squad Music, made an album with words and paper. That is revolutionary. He is the next Nirvana.

3. JapanRobots – Celebrating Rick

Japanrobots

An emotional tribute to Rick Ross by two Canadian boys with American hearts. Sounds like “The House That Rick Built” and “Younger Ross” and “The Night of Wine and Roses and Rick Ross” are all very descriptive. A+ for effort.

2. Dirty Project Managers – Swinging Low-Magic

dirtyprojectmanager

Turns out, it’s really hard to be artsy so the Dirty Project Managers make weird sounds with their voices. Great steps forward for Indian-Rock.

1. A Dell- Twenty-fun.

A Dell Twenty fun

There’s no doubt that 2012 was A Dell’s year. Her songs were really good. I mean, “Twenty-fun.” even won the 2011 Grammy for Album of the Year! Do you need more convincing? Her adorable song about crushes (“Someone Likes You”), the empowering and exploiting depiction of her celebrity love affair (“Rolling All Over Depp”), and even the witchcraft song about lighting rain on fire; they’re all good songs. I’m excited to see where Adile goes on her next album but this one was good too.

55378008 (put this in your calculator and turn it upside down ;0) )

Misinformed Review #3: The 2x’s Band – “Cokesist”

I’m gonna start this review with a personal anecdote because that’s what Pitchfork does and I really want to write like a farmer so be the hell quiet and listen okay.

I remember once I was listening to a band and it was life changing and my life was totally different after that. I saw them in concert in the 90s and nothing is as good as the decades that I care about so this was important to me. I rode my bicycle down the street with this playing on a walkman but no one else could hear cause I was wearing headphones. Then I started whispering.

That segways into why I like this album. I like to whisper and so does the 2 X’s band. If you liked their first album then I guess you probably will listen to this.Their first album had an X on the cover and so does this one. Do you think the band knows that?

That being said, this was a big step forward for the The XXzibit. Instead of playing songs that people stay awake through they don’t do that. This is sad music but also not happy music.

One of the songs that people hear when they listen to the album is “Angles.” It’s acute song.

The next song is “Two chains.” At one point an angsty quiet, dark voice says something and then a slightly higher quiet, dark voice replied. This is a good direction for THE XXX Vin Diesel to go in, they should try to do this more.

Producer and beatguy Jamie XXX IceCubeVersion is really famous now so why does he make music still? He does because there is an ROI in music but not in other businesses. Drake likes him so I like him.

It is weird that the album is all about a beverage like coke. When I listen to The XoXo I normally think of Pepsi and tears drinks.

All in all this is music for smiling to with good friends, kicking back a few beers while playing some pong. I can’t imagine having a better time than listening to songs like “Oar song” and “Reonion” while crying myself to sleep because no one reads my reviews. Why do people not read my reviews? I am so sad and lonely but it’s okay because I have a blog and that gives me purpose.

This album could be better so I’m only going to give it 14 out of 7 stars because they could have whispered a lot more. More whispers means more record sales.

Thanks for reading I am still wondering if I have purpose. Bye.

Misinformed Reviews #2: Mackymore and Paul Ryan – “The Heist”

After years of struggling against all of the odds – rap music finally has its big breakthrough.

It’s hard not to listen to this album and feel all emotions but it is possible. Seattle rapperist Mackymore (real name Mike McGinn) is saying things to a rhythm and I think that is a good thing for music to do and it is also a good revolutionary device to use. I’m not sure if he is the first person to ever do this, but he definitely is.

But Macygraymore is nothing without his second half, Paul Ryan. It’s not uncommon for presidential-elects like Paul Ryan to join music groups but it is especially relevant here because this is in Seattle and I am in Seattle too. He likes to use a lot of beats – sometimes more than one on an album. It’s total math rock for literature majors attending community college – but, you know, rap.

The music on this album is good sounding and the first single “Thrift Stop” is a good anthem about why thrift stores smell like piss and sadness sometimes and why you shouldn’t go there if you are a firm believer in doctrine. The hook is sang by guest artist Ween, but nobody cares about them anymore (am I the only one who still listens to “She Hates Me” and “Blurry” still?).

If there was any reason to listen to this album it is Macaronimore’s commentary on topical issues like his song “Some Love” which is about why love is important but people don’t agree. Cool.

The most dominate theme on the album though is stealing because the album is called “The Heist.” I don’t support stealing but Paul Ryan and Magicmore do and so I say that kids should probably start stealing if they want to be cool and accepted by their peers.

Local soul singer Allen’s Stone is on the album. It talks a lot about cathedrals with lights and that really confuses me so it makes me angry. I don’t like to be confused so I don’t listen to that song anymore.

This album was number one on iTunes but I don’t understand why people didn’t just pirate it because this album is about stealing anyway. Stay on message guys!

Even though this album is rap music and people don’t know about rap music, I think it is nice music for nice times. I don’t know if it will make me a better person, but I think if I didn’t give it as many stars as I could people think I would be a bad person and Seattle would martyr me.

To sum it up, Jesus created this album on the 8th day because he wanted people to hear the struggles of middle america. 25 out of .00001 stars.

Okay thanks for reading goodbye now.

Misinformed Reviews #1: Bob Dyllie – “Tendest”

This is the album cover for the album I reviewed.

The 71st album by Canadian child pop star Bob Dyllie is a fine example of a really good album.

For diehard fans who have followed Dylbert since his breakthrough records (namely “The Thirdwheelin Rob Dillon” and “Area 51 Revisied”), this album marks the triumphant comeback of an icon, and this time he actually has something to say. In the past Dyxie has focused mostly on beat centric music and club bangers with little regard to lyrical context. On The Tendest he says a lot of stuff and I liked it a lot. Our generation finally has someone we can rally around; we have someone with a voice with real talk.

The first song, “Dookie Whistle,” may be this generation’s national anthem. It should be noted, it was really nice of Darwin to invite Tom Waiter to sing the songs instead. The lack of drum machine is a little disappointing at best, but you’ll find that they make do with pots and pans just fine.

“Tim Angel” fits oddly in the track listing but offers up a nice change of pace in an album so centered on the concept of interplanetary colonization. The Rolling Stones called this Devon’s “darkest album” but they’re clearly stupid and have never even listened to it. If I could pick one theme to describe this album it would be BRAVE. Mainly because it reminds me of the Disney Pixar film “Brave.” Rob is like the red haired girl in the trailer (you know, the one who is about the shoot a bear and then exclaims “WOULD CHUUUUU?”) and is changes his fates.

Of course, the big buzz about this album is the title track – Tendest.” It’s a really long song about a Titanic (he even mention’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s performance in the James Cameron Film The Last Avatar). I didn’t want to hear anymore screaming so I turned off this song but it’s okay I guess.

Some people may say they wish he’d go back to his style he had on The Times Are A-Different but they don’t know anything so don’t read their reviews and you should read mine and share it with your friends on Facebook and post this on social media platforms.

All in all, this was the best album we could ever ask for from anyone. 88 out of 5 stars.

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For those concerned, I’m starting a new series of “Misinformed Reviews” where I try to review new albums while sounding as uninformed as possible. It’s all in good fun. I hope that much is clear.